When I first met Sarah, I was twelve and our parents were still dating. They were living in the Andover house, which to me, was like a haunted playground. She became the big sister I never had and we grew up together in the way children of divorced parents do, every other weekend. She was a year and a half older, but was cool to have a sibling closer in age than my brother was to ask advice and compare notes as a teenagers. She introduced me to her horse, which I fell off of. I remember going to the dude ranch and other family vacations, especially Disney World / Epcot Center / MGM, which was more like an endurance contest to do all of the things. But the worst (and funniest) part we had to endure our parents dressing in the same outfits the entire time, while we tried to remain cool, trailing just far enough behind. We were convinced they must have done it to torture us.
Our taste in music was another funny thing, because I was into hard rock and metal, while she was into classic rock like the Eagles and Styx. But at some point we switched. She got into Metallica’s Black Album and I started listening to ‘Hotel California’ over and over on the cassette which I recorded from her CD.
We were both summer lifeguards in high school. Which made sense for her, since she was on the swim team, but I just thought it was an easy way to get paid while I got a tan. We worked at different pools, but one time she asked me to cover her to go to a concert. She even offered me lunch to sweeten the deal.
As we grew up and out of the house, into our adult lives we drifted in and out of touch, mostly family functions, until they intersected over the last few years. I was so grateful that Sarah and Kathy visited me on the set of Popdust. We were together again! It was the first time I saw her and Kathy in a good long while, where we took this selfie.
In 2019, Kathy flew me to Texas to be there for Sarah’s wedding in Hot Springs, Arkansas. It gave me so much joy to be a part of things. Because I had been going through a very difficult time. Just like Sarah, I have struggled with mental illness all my adult life. She welcomed me to be a part of the family when I was feeling so alone. I have bipolar disorder.
She helped me by talking about what were were both going through. I would like to think that I offered her some comfort to know that we were both unwell and could speak about it without judgment. We could understand each-other through our own struggle and it helped to get out of my head to hear about what she was experiencing. We caught up on how the other coped with it and she gave me perspective.
The week after the wedding, I had committed myself to the mental ward because I wanted to hurt myself. She was one of the few people to call me while I was there. She listened to me when I was at my worst, and accepted it without judgement. She could understand what I was going through as she had been in my shoes. She talked to me about her experiences while in-patient and it helped me tremendously to know she cared. It got me through when I was truly out of my mind.
After I got out, she checked on me. I remember speaking to her as I walked around the Lower East Side of Manhattan from her ‘burner phone’. It felt like we could laugh at some of the messed up stuff in our heads, that some might find dark, but we had to laugh about it. We were not alone in our suffering. And how hard it was to do such simple things like brush our teeth or walk out the front door, like ‘I took a shower, I think Im done for the day’. God it was good to laugh at that stuff.
We both continued to struggle on through 2019 and I fell back into a dark place. I pushed everyone away from me and by the grace of God, I am here today. I wish I had been able to talk to her just one more time. To let her know how much her support had helped me. The disease of mental illness is horrible, devastating and hell to endure. She was amazing to have gone through something like that and be an excellent person to family, friends, her animals and people she didn’t know. Her courage and empathy knew no bounds. I will always admire the example she set for me.
As kids in the Andover house, we spent a lot of time watching pirated VHS tapes we copied from the video store. “Lost Boys”, “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure”, “Robocop”, “Adventures in Babysitting” to name just a few. A quote from one of those movies (which we watched over and over) is a message and sentiment that I’m sure she would approve… “Be excellent to one-another and… party on dudes!”
I will miss you Sarah. Love, Dan
Remember Sarah Slack 